i had dirt shoved in my mouth
for the same reason you demand a halo

silenced for two weeks
five months
three years
—because no one wanted to hear it
(from me)

i understand now:
you all want me to hate myself
because i deserve to hate myself
i was dead to you long before i knew it
and i won’t let it slip past me again
because dead people don’t come back to life

(i will never come back to life)