bullies

i just want me back

don’t talk to me
i know you don’t want to talk to me

and i just want me back i want to talk to me again no one cares that the old me is gone
because they stole me,
don’t care about me,

Lost me.

They don’t even know that they lost me for me.

you don’t care that i’m a shell
i’m not worth time anyone’s time anymore
and everyone’s pushing me off their calendar one by one by one

I wish i could go back into the three years i lost and scoop myself up and take myself home.

(why don’t you care that i am a shell)
there is nothing left here, she climbed out left empty here

(put herself back in the happy years
before she met them)

and you’ll love the people who made me incapable of loving myself
of trusting anyone
more than you’ll ever miss me (her)

they may as well have taken the rest of me
and i have spent a year wishing they did
(bullies always win).

clone

i can’t help but feel i am running empty
passing time just to waste it

replacing myself
replacing myself
replacing myself

i am a clone of who i was last year
changed slightly, still the same
same hair, same feelings
different face, different clothes

and i don’t know who did it to me

i am not the first one to replace me
(not the fifth, not the tenth)

they’re cloning me
to take what they like best
but none of it makes up a real person anymore

 

born Wrong

she’s scared of me
I smothered her
and now I’m a monster
for giving —- space
did I do something
scary?

and I’m tired of hearing
that I did wrong
made it wrong
born wrong

my marks on her skin
now
all hers now
take it all from me
again

scared of me,
walking on egg shells,
broken, angry, useless

what did I do
when did I do
anything
scary?

doubts

I’ve been holding back my doubts,
saying, “No, I’m just a late bloomer,
things will start happening soon.”
And I wait for a call,
——and an email,
——–a text
but nothing ever comes.
And I think that it’s time
to push my doubts forward –
accept that it’s not happening.
Good things just aren’t happening,
not for me.