seven weeks

i talk at people
and lonely people don’t talk back

i loved my laugh seven weeks before you made me laugh
and i was laughing at myself

that’s okay
there’s nothing much here anyway
no one’s missing anyone


Nights in trains and lawns

I’ve been stuck in 2 am with people who have never loved me but have lies in their teeth

I am alone with people who love me

I am ready to leave the people who will never miss me

3 am and 4 am and I am someone new today 

someone’s nobody

right now i am living in memories
in more than one place,
crying in more than one time
happy at least once at least one place one time once

before i could see everything
(kaleidoscope vision),
watching myself be her, fiery but someone

a someone back then wondering who this nobody is
(care about me care about me me please)
i always thought nobody was watching me
in the dark corner of my dark room, dark thoughts
making sure i made it somewhere,
closing my eyes at night
drying my eyes at night

i was right
i am nobody
and nobody cared about me

(i wasn’t the kind of angel she was expecting,
i’m sorry)

thankless (careless)

i am done throwing adoration and care into a thankless void
and being met with silence

an expired ticket for respect
never spent

hands that butterfly my ribs,
dissect my heart
just to see if I would feel it

the devil said to you I don’t, but I do
I feel it all

the void laughs itself to sleep


I wonder what it tastes like to be lovely

to have the right to be needy, to be needed, need

a break from this body. This messy body.

with steel bars made of ghosts

—-all me, a me I left in August

listen to her,

she put whispers into my quiet words

said, Forget about it (Think about it)

she put another world in my hands, An Underneath

said, Come find me

I said, I have always tried