disguised ‘poet’

wish i could zip my mouth shut and put curtains over the mirror
get ready in five minutes tomorrow morning
put a hate-filled broken glass in your mailbox,
Thank you for ruining me.

wish i had been the eye of a storm
never left the centre of calmness
but you took my crazy, made me crazy
took the crazy to make me uneasy

if i turned back
i would spill you
spoil you like sour milk
because you’re rotten disguised as Friendly
rotten disguised as Concern

she thinks you’re making it all up,
thinks it’s not serious at all
like you thought I wasn’t serious at all
This Letter Is To Let You Know I Am Serious

if i turned back i would put pins and needles in your teeth
make you crazy, play you like you’re crazy
(if only you weren’t so in love with acting like Crazy)
would put glass in your gums
your gossip-sick-loving mouth

if i turned back i would take who i am
to change who you are
and i guess you’re lucky i wasn’t me back then.

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seven weeks

i talk at people
and lonely people don’t talk back

i loved my laugh seven weeks before you made me laugh
and i was laughing at myself

that’s okay
there’s nothing much here anyway
no one’s missing anyone

6.00 am

i swallow fake medicine down with wine
and moments later i’m shouting from your rooftop
it’s love that makes me
sipping on champagne with your laugh around the edge of the glass
a plastic drink bottle in my backpack because i broke everything
but you woke me up in the morning,
‘did you make it?
‘did you survive?’
i swallow my good times back with flat wine
never enough, though

dinner guest

i am quickly reacquainted with my year 8 depression
more familiar with who i am when i am no one to everyone
more familiar with myself when rolled eyes hint at a perceived lack of self-awareness
i am not thankful and i have never adopted kindness
i am graced by my guest more commonly known as Hypocrisy
and stupid dreams that died when i tried to
i let everyone take home a different clone of me because i don’t need her
and i never loved her
there is nothing genuine about this and my fingers have been crossed for eight years.