when i was myself

i am stuck on the string i threw
to now
in a time when i was myself
and she is still hanging on for her life

she doesn’t move,
there’s nothing there but string
and i bury pride by tugging
so she’ll be okay


gladly wasted

i’m a black hole heart
greedy for the best
this mask is three years old
it’s perfected;
she’s validating and she’s poetic
with time gladly wasted
but a habit of counting steps forward
while walking backwards

come back

i unthink and rethink everything
until it’s a non-thought, an afterthought
put rubber in my mouth and bite until my gums bleed
spit it in your face and you’re crying about the mess
should have put my pain in a suitcase,
sent it far away like i did

i feel last year more than this year
felt the year before

i turned it off

when it all comes back
i remember to turn it off
hopefully it won’t come back

disguised ‘poet’

wish i could zip my mouth shut and put curtains over the mirror
get ready in five minutes tomorrow morning
put a hate-filled broken glass in your mailbox,
Thank you for ruining me.

wish i had been the eye of a storm
never left the centre of calmness
but you took my crazy, made me crazy
took the crazy to make me uneasy

if i turned back
i would spill you
spoil you like sour milk
because you’re rotten disguised as Friendly
rotten disguised as Concern

she thinks you’re making it all up,
thinks it’s not serious at all
like you thought I wasn’t serious at all
This Letter Is To Let You Know I Am Serious

if i turned back i would put pins and needles in your teeth
make you crazy, play you like you’re crazy
(if only you weren’t so in love with acting like Crazy)
would put glass in your gums
your gossip-sick-loving mouth

if i turned back i would take who i am
to change who you are
and i guess you’re lucky i wasn’t me back then.