someone’s nobody

right now i am living in memories
in more than one place,
crying in more than one time
happy at least once at least one place one time once

before i could see everything
(kaleidoscope vision),
watching myself be her, fiery but someone
someone

a someone back then wondering who this nobody is
(are you the one sent to care about me?
care about me care about me me please someone)
i always thought nobody was watching me
in the dark corner of my dark room, dark thoughts
making sure i made it somewhere,
closing my eyes at night
drying my eyes at night

i was right
i am nobody
and nobody cared about me

(i wasn’t the kind of angel she was expecting,
i tried
i’m sorry)

space filler

i don’t want to care about anyone anymore
don’t want to open my blinds

everyone finds out what i am anyway
nothing worth anything
is what i am anyway

you’re talking to me again
because I’m the next new thing (again)
worth a few seconds of your time again
(my sympathies)

tell me tell me everything
so i can be a waste of space filled with your space
until i’m too embarrassing to be around again
ugly, ugly, ugly, no wonder you hate me
your friends think my face is embarrassing my body is embarrassing
no wonder you hate me

my sense of self is dirt under your nails,
ticking, thinking about what was said about me (i heard it all)
and i sit quietly between words that no one wants to hear,
boiling, thinking (hollow forever)

no wonder you all hate me

clone

i can’t help but feel i am running empty
passing time just to waste it

replacing myself
replacing myself
replacing myself

i am a clone of who i was last year
changed slightly, still the same
same hair, same feelings
different face, different clothes

and i don’t know who did it to me

i am not the first one to replace me
(not the fifth, not the tenth)

they’re cloning me
to take what they like best
but none of it makes up a real person anymore

 

too much of me

no one is going to want this ugly body
embarrassing body

no body

there is too much of me
i am too much

like me

i break anything worth anything
nothing about me is worth anything

(worth less)

secretly self-conscious, and
consciously aware of not being

someone else

there is not a single part of me that is right
everything about me is wrong

i wish life would soak me back
take me back
put me back out

of misery

born Wrong

she’s scared of me
I smothered her
and now I’m a monster
for giving —- space
did I do something
scary?

and I’m tired of hearing
that I did wrong
made it wrong
born wrong

my marks on her skin
now
all hers now
take it all from me
again

scared of me,
walking on egg shells,
broken, angry, useless

what did I do
when did I do
anything
scary?