never knew me

you’re your own role model
and you’re the smartest person you know
can’t believe you have a friend like me
like ‘me’
but you didn’t

you’re too absorbed
too one-sided, shallow-minded

you placed your tragedies in the hands of a narcissist
and i enjoyed every bite
overindulged at every meal
digested your poison for breakfast

you were wrong
wrong about me
i’m rewriting history (it’s the truth)
and you never knew me

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6.00 am

i swallow fake medicine down with wine
and moments later i’m shouting from your rooftop
it’s love that makes me
sipping on champagne with your laugh around the edge of the glass
a plastic drink bottle in my backpack because i broke everything
but you woke me up in the morning,
‘did you make it?
‘did you survive?’
i swallow my good times back with flat wine
never enough, though

a walk across the park

i found something out
my tracing paper is what they call a lonely child
with poems bleeding from her arms, a walk across the park
i’ve written every bite of love i’ve taken from anyone
and no one wrote about me
i slipped on the tears they sketched of themselves
every possible heartbeat away from my cruelness,
no one wrote about me
a turn-around side-ways glance, i tempt fury in people too tired to grieve me
make sure not to waste the paper or time

i shed my skin hundreds of times a year but my skin sticks to the walls
i remember everything at once in a moment