Fat.

“Attractive for a fat guy,”
or, just “attractive”?
“Attractive for a fat girl,”
or, just “attractive”?

Why can’t I be both
attractive and fat
without the need to be called both?
If I’m “attractive for a fat girl,”
aren’t I just attractive?
Aren’t I still human?

“Fat for an attractive girl,”
or, just “attractive”?
“Fat for an attractive guy,”
or, just “attractive”?

Fat, heavy, overweight,
or, “just human”?

My body is not a disease.
My body is not your canvas.
My body is attractive,
and not for “a fat girl,”
but for me.

someday soon

It’s difficult to see myself as big when I stand next to the city,

my round fingers held up against a skyscraper.

And when I weave through the busy streets

I can see how temporary I am – how insignificant and small.

But when I stand in front of the mirror in my entirety,

my lumpy stomach, thighs and round face,

I can’t help but feel bigger than the ocean

and larger than the tallest building in Melbourne.

All I can hope is that one day (someday soon)

someone will wrap me inside their arms like a child

and I’ll shrink into who I want to be.

Then, and only then, will I be able to look in the mirror

and see that my body is the smallest part of me;

the rest of me is larger than the entire city.