we’re worried about her
we’re worried about her
we’re worried about her

someone slipped a note into my brain the day i was born
no one will ever worry about me
(there are more important people)
i am here by mistake, not my time not time yet

born into the wrong family (she said my universe said)
broken bones on my way to the dirt
they will drop me for her
in under a heartbeat

the family will be okay when i’m gone
the family would fall apart if you were gone

not loved

i am not loved
not liked by anyone

my behaviour pushed you away
wanting to be liked pushed you away

next time i’ll keep it in my pocket along with my bloody tissues

next time i’ll put holes in the brick walls

because she knows and i know
a breakdown is only okay from you
never from me

only okay wrapped in blankets wrapped in tears

only okay if you don’t wake up to the people who broke me every morning
broke me
they don’t even know or care
that i am only a fraction of who i used to be

(i could have liked myself, too,
but i should just get over how much i hate hate how much i hate myself now
because i’ll never like myself now)

you should only ever help me
if i am coated in sugar

ignore me instead
i am coated in fire ants
wrapped in hate, anger, paranoia, nothing, nothing nothing nothing nothing

(not good for anyone)