i was tricked into changing for the worse

and maybe next year for my birthday we can have a candle for every unmentioned (unnoticed) suicide attempt and my family can blow them out with frowns on their faces

maybe next year we can dance over my dead body with smiles because they wished me dead since i was real



i have lived a thousand lives, and now i am tired of living
i’ve been happy… disgustingly sad and angry
this existence has taken hope from my palms, turned it sour, sweaty, expensive

and thinking about all the people who could have been born instead,
i mourn this wasted potential


someone’s nobody

right now i am living in memories
in more than one place,
crying in more than one time
happy at least once at least one place one time once

before i could see everything
(kaleidoscope vision),
watching myself be her, fiery but someone

a someone back then wondering who this nobody is
(care about me care about me me please)
i always thought nobody was watching me
in the dark corner of my dark room, dark thoughts
making sure i made it somewhere,
closing my eyes at night
drying my eyes at night

i was right
i am nobody
and nobody cared about me

(i wasn’t the kind of angel she was expecting,
i’m sorry)