i’m realising that i sleep better with a belly full of poison 

than i ever have with a smile on my face

and that the only second look I’ve ever gotten was from myself, 

accidentally catching myself in the mirror 

and that people are trained to say what you need them to

and that nothing ends up the way they say it will. not ever.


the people who knew me know me differently now

and i have this sour taste in my throat that tastes a lot like hate 

but i found salt burning my cheeks again the other night, the same question breaking my heart

i wonder if you would know me how you did

if you would want to

if you ever really tried anyway

born Wrong

she’s scared of me
I smothered her
and now I’m a monster
for giving —- space
did I do something

and I’m tired of hearing
that I did wrong
made it wrong
born wrong

my marks on her skin
all hers now
take it all from me

scared of me,
walking on egg shells,
broken, angry, useless

what did I do
when did I do

a lie 2

can’t live without me,
said like a secret
not a lie to keep me existing,
a back up to your first choice
and your other secret

like you
I wish I could pretend
wish I could make people think
that I am good

‘I can’t live without you’
until you did.