fixed point

I am not a fixed point
————in time
living between years,
the sheets of forgetfulness
——–and being wasteful
writing to do lists
of nothing, nothing, nothing

learn to hear
or learn to leave,

but I’ve only ever been good at
—————step 2. run away.

again

my body is a joke to you,
and everyone else.
laugh at me
because you can’t laugh at yourself.
Put me last
in your mind,
I am not important.
you tell me I am better
until the best comes back
tell me I am something
until I mean nothing
again

aimless

I’ve been escaping.
nights of haze,
of restlessness

aware of time that’s passing
wishing it would pass faster,
each tick a change of heart

time followed us,
crept behind us on the road
always a step behind

I looked into your eyes,
stars burst.
we are aimless, careless

I don’t need saving
I am saved,
safe.

stale

settling for less is easy.
you were less.
sitting in the void inside me,
I was born with emptiness
and people rustling in my ears,
‘you shouldn’t be like this.’
but I am.
pulling from your leftovers,
your stale love.
secondhand love.
I deserved more.

the void

break me up into small pieces,
I am paranoia and burning skin.
I am closed doors,
blinds down,
darkness.
Laughing at the void,
spitting into it,
I dribbled tears down my chin
and they disappeared into closed hands.