A Vacant Seat

She’s the tears in my eyes

But the smile on my lips.

A soft word

With a catch in my throat.

A slow walk home

With loud, heavy footsteps.

She’s a girl in a bar

Dancing with her friends,

Her eyes blinking away her sadness,

Finding solace in a stranger asking,

“Are you okay?”

She’s a collapsed black dress

Next to a vacant seat.

Wet, running mascara

And smudged lipstick.

High heels in hand,

Sore feet, sore head.

Waiting for someone

Who never comes.

Come Home

My insides are a pit of nostalgia.

I read some old messages

That you sent when you loved me.

The photos on my walls

Remind me of when we spoke

And when you used to call.

The pit in me deepens

Until I’m an ocean,

Wondering why you left

Like we meant nothing at all.

My jaw hurts from the words

And silent sobs I can’t explain,

So I write it down, hoping

That this time you’ll read it.

Because how can I tell my diary

That you won’t be around anymore?

Tonight I’m a black hole,

Trapping memories and words.

Hiding the thoughts I want to forget.

Erasing old messages,

Tearing up old photos.

But telling my diary that you’ll

Come home.

Finding Solace

She is the tears in my eyes

But the smile on my face.

A soft word

With a catch in my throat.

A slow walk home

With anger raging inside.

She’s a girl in a bar,

Dancing with her friends,

Her eyes blinking away her sadness,

Finding solace in a stranger asking,

“Are you okay?”

When she’s sitting alone.

She’s running mascara,

High heels in hand,

Sore feet and sore head

Waiting for someone;

Someone who never comes.

2 a.m call

You were my 2 a.m call,

The one I needed the most.

I was your last minute call,

The one you remembered last.

You were my french toast

With wild berries and syrup;

The meal I would have had every day

If I could.

You were a nice cold morning

After a long and dreadful summer.

A tall glass of cold water

After a long and hard week.

You were a break from time

And I wanted to spend every second

With you.

But I stopped having french toast

A long time ago.

And as it turns out, a cold day is just that:

Cold. And you are.

Sometimes cold water hurts my teeth

And freezes my mouth

So I cannot speak.

And I do not want to speak to you.

You are wasted time;

Time could be spent better

When I’m not with you.

You wake up at two a.m

Your heart is broken again.

No one is awake,

And yet, somehow,

You know I am.

You reach to your phone.

When I see it ring,

I do not pick up.

I let it sound endlessly

Until you stop.

You fall asleep alone and cold,

Wishing I still called.

Body

I’m going to start with my lips

Because they always say the wrong thing.

Then my hands

That always grip too tightly to the past.

My wretched feet

That stop me from taking a new path.

And my weak spine

For not allowing me to stand on my own.

Even my veins

That spill blood too easily.

And, finally, my heart,

That leaves me expecting

And wanting

More than I’ll ever get.

Waiting

We are always waiting.

Waiting for the train,

Waiting for our Birthdays,

Waiting for him to call,

Waiting for her to call,

Waiting for lunch,

Waiting for dinner,

Waiting to curl up in bed,

Waiting for tomorrow,

Waiting for love,

Waiting to get home.

Waiting for winter,

Waiting for nine p.m.,

Waiting for the kids to move out,

Waiting for the kids to visit,

Waiting for a diagnosis,

Waiting to say goodbye,

Waiting to the pain to end,

Waiting to fall asleep.

Born of the Same Blood

Born of the same blood

But born with different faces.

We are made with mistakes,

But I am made of many.

Unforgivable, unforgettable,

Only some can be erased.

Products of the same fate,

Products of the same name.

We are similar,

Yet could not be so far apart.

Because, where one is loved,

The other is forgotten.

Where one is loved,

The other is punished.

And my many mistakes

Often lead others to forgetfulness,

And they often lead

To my own punishment.

Born of the same blood,

But treated like different species.

One is vermin,

The other is gold.