my thank yous have become tired
but you still accept them with a “you’re welcome”
and I still persist in handing them out.
I say thank you
and have forgotten how to say it
when I really mean it.
we still pretend that it means something
but it means nothing.
I’ve forgotten how to mean a lot of things,
like laughs and frowns.
but I know that I’m not happy.
I say thank you,
but I know that I’m not thankful.
How long have I been staring at this candle?
—No one has spoken to me for five
and I’ve been playing with my fingers,
Someone talk to me. ———- (please).
They move around;
—-so many people to see
(funny how they all have time for everyone,
—-everyone, that is, except for me)
—and I look up to the light on the ceiling.
Is it the brightness that’s making me cry?
I’ve been dancing with a frown
————–on my face,
————staring at lights and only
sleeping with running make up
—–and trying to eat the
——————–But the good words
————————-won’t make me smile
——————when I dance.
——they haven’t yet.
I wish I had never written that stupid book
and that I’d done something good with my life
because no one has cared lately
about a single word I’ve said.
I saw you look at her
—-in the front seat
and it was so quick,
She doesn’t know,
maybe you don’t either.
But I do -
—-you love her.
There’s a song I think I should forget
but now I’m listening to it in the rain,
——–when did this song become yours?
The words seep into my skin
—like little drops of rain
and I want to cry
but I want to smile.
So I walk faster
because the only place that can save me now
I can’t write three poems a day anymore
and I can’t even look at my diary because
my hand hurts after holding a pen
———–for more than five minutes.
Everything I write is terrible
and I’m discarding more than I used to,
but I refuse to throw this one away.
I want to say so many things
but I’ve lost the will to say them
and it doesn’t seem like anyone’s listening anyway.
I used to have a wish
—that I would be remembered
but, late at night,
I wouldn’t mind being forgotten.